do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
