We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
