So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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