I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
