i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
