They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
