If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
