Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
