Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
