my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
