I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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