Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
