After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
