Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
