yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
