even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
