Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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