Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
