Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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