I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
