I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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