HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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