when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
