Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
