he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
