I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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