if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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