I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
