Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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