life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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