Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
