Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
