So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
