Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
