it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
