Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You just made me feel so damn special
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
