Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
