maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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