my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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