just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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