Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
