I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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