just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
