He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
