I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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