After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
