Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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