Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
