i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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