How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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