maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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